Stereotyping women

Maria Arpa

Wednesday Whisper

10 February 2021

This week

Stereotyping women

Plus…

Maria’s Midweek Mindfulness

and

The Wednesday Whisper

Government withdraws ad

The UK Government put out an ad for Covid Restrictions and hastily withdrew it after it received a battering on Social Media.

Showing women doing domestic chores and a man on a sofa with his feet on the ground while his female partner falls into his masculine arms is dreadful for all of us, men included.

The prime minister’s office said: “It does not reflect our view on women and we have removed it.”

Removing the ad is not good enough. The government has a responsibility to transparently engage with how this began, how it was signed off followed by an invitation to dialogue about the roots of an attitude that means it was even a ‘thing’ in the first place.

The idea that withdrawing the ad makes it all go away is a big problem. Of course, no doubt, behind the scenes, punishment was handed out but that still doesn’t address the issue of attitudes, positions and beliefs in relation to discrimination. Don’t get me wrong, I am not offended. It’s worse than that. I have a real need for trust and my trust in this government has been eroded by its paper thin attempts to reassure us it is in harmony with values of equality and respect that are supposed to be foundations in our society. Yet, all over society I can see examples of actions being at odds with the message.

In a world where, disproportionately, women are being forced to quit their jobs because bosses are refusing to furlough women who have children at home because of school closures, the consequences of reinforcing the image of the stay at home Mum is unthinkable. It’s really hard not to imagine there is a plan.

I have now lost even more trust in this government, I’m guessing I’m not the only one.

Maria’s Midweek Mindfulness

Once a upon a time when I was a new mum, wheeling a baby in a pram, I felt shock at how I was treated and spoken to (like I had learning difficulties), having been used to wearing business attire and treated a little more seriously. That was 30 years ago. This new ad induces me to imagine a small group of men in government whispering in corners, wishing they could create Stepford Wives so we wouldn’t get in the way of their important man business.

The Wednesday Whisper

Have you ever felt discrimination towards you for any reason? How did it affect you? How did you heal?

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7 Comments

Nalani
Posted 3 years ago Reply

I am also amazed that this ad ever saw the light of day. I also note that in the final picture the woman is sweeping or mopping the floor with her daughter as clearly she wouldn’t involve a boy in housework chores!. I’m just incredulous and it reminded me of a boyfriend I had who claimed that he didn’t know how to wash up as his mum had never taught him but that obviously I knew how to do the housework because my Mum’s would have taught me (!!).

I’m sure that some people will laugh this off and say ‘oh it’s not a big thing’ but it’s all part of the constant subtle conditioning & messages that are given to girls that is so utterly damaging. I was brought up the the 80’s where I was constantly teased about ‘women drivers’. Most men think they are just ‘having a laugh’ but it had such an impact on me and I’ve still heard men of a certain age spout that nonsense.
- Maria Arpa
  Posted 3 years ago Reply
  
  You put it so well
Tamzie Hollands
Posted 3 years ago Reply

I think we have all experienced discrimination as women in the workplace (and out of it) and still do. My 26-year-old daughter has been asked in job interviews when she plans to start a family, something I experienced extensively in my 20s and 30s. As a young mother, obviously having a bad hair day, a market researcher stopped me to ask me questions about supermarket shopping. After a few questions, she stopped and I asked why – she said I thought you were a C2 housewife, I didn’t appreciate you were from a higher social grade than that (as an ex-marketer, I was teaching market research at the time, so she used the jargon)! In fact, it wasn’t until I entered the Education sector full-time that this type of discrimination visibly stopped. Now, it is my age that is the factor that doesn’t enable me to come across as potentially employable any longer, although fortunately, I am not in an industry where my job is specifically at risk currently. The worrying thing for women is it us losing our jobs far more than our male counterparts currently. The industries that have typically employed women, hospitality, travel and tourism, the arts, retail, have not been well supported by this government during the pandemic and millions will struggle to get back into the workplace, unless, like some are already doing, will start their own businesses. Even then, having done this, are struggling to run these and school their children. I noted earlier this week, single mothers trying to do just this, were minding the children all day and then working through the night, to maintain their incomes. Most were getting very few hours rest. As the decades’ pass, I note life fails to get easier. From my great grandmothers’ generation, where their lives were like this to now. We might be more educated than previous generations but the conventional roles we have been handed, have not changed in over 100 years! Consecutive governments (not matter the politics) have been complicit in this situation perpetuating.

My own personal experience is that my husband has always left things ‘domestic’ to me to do, from educating the children to most of the household chores. It is not that I have wanted this situation but it is what it is (I am not prepared to argue about it any more – especially as the girls have flown the nest now!). For years I have worked full-time, so the cleaning, tidying etc. has not taken priority! He has a mother who was a conventional 1950s housewife, who did everything for her husband and her family; before we married, she was still cooking his meals (despite the fact he had left home and had his own flat) and was doing his laundry (despite the fact that he owned a washing machine). I have always felt that she could have spent her time, as she didn’t have to work with a husband in a well-paid job, teaching her son to be supportive of a future wife but she didn’t. She didn’t teach him to cook or how to maintain a home domestically, although he is good on the technical aspects of home life! She has expressed to me in the past that she didn’t do a very good job in this regard – I have been inclined to agree!
- Maria Arpa
  Posted 3 years ago Reply
  
  We still have a lot of work to do about equality for women.
Minna Bruce
Posted 3 years ago Reply

Also may I add that my very masculine husband does almost 100% of the household chores.. he shops, cooks and cleans…
And does his own washing. 🙂
Minna Bruce
Posted 3 years ago Reply

I have decided to put a comment because I feel I need to be authentic.. and not only write something when I agree with a blog.
I find myself feeling extremely vulnerable and anxious about this..
I guess because I need connection and I start to wonder what will happen to that sense of connection/friendship if I am seen to be holding different views?
But hey.. what’s more important here, I ask myself?
So here goes…

I find I am sad reading this blog for a very different reason from what I think you intended Maria..
Maybe I am old fashioned and maybe I am not Politically Correct (that’s an interesting phrase in itself!).. maybe some would even call me a bigot (I’m feeling defensive already so will leave that one!).

Of course I can see the damage done by stereotyping in something like this advertisement.. and the concern about how it could have got to the point of being aired on whatever forum it was. I also hear the apprehension and unease on the inequality angle that you mention…..
But the reason that I am feeling sadness and grief, is that when I read the words “Showing… a man on a sofa with his feet on the ground while his female partner falls into his masculine arms is dreadful for all of us, men included.” I do not see this as dreadful and more importantly I don’t understand why it should be dreadful.

It would seem totally natural for me to adopt this pose and I guess the same for thousands upon millions of the population who live in a caring heterosexual relationship. Should we feel bad about this?
When I have the time I certainly enjoy to lean into my (male) husband’s arms which yes do happen to be pretty strong and masculine arms.. and yes sometimes he keeps his feet on the ground I believe.. this for us is a comfortable position.
I am sad and despondent to read something here that now indelibly imposes the notion that this is not just wrong but DREADFUL!!!!

Or I wonder have I misunderstood something here?
- Maria Arpa
  Posted 3 years ago Reply
  
  Hi Minna
  Thank you for your honesty and willingness to challenge. And I see your other post referring to your husband’s part in doing chores. I hear that you understand the problems with the stereotyping women in this way and the damage it can do and I hear that you are sad that I label as ‘dreadful’ the image of a woman falling to her man’s arms while he has his feet on the ground. So assuming that this is your area of concern, I would like to address my calling it dreadful…The issue is this context so it’s important that you understand the context. On its own there is no problem with the image and like you, I love to fall into my husband’s arms and have that security and safety. When that image is placed against the other three images, it evokes a very different story in me. Of course, this is just what I see and I may be in a minority of one and my blog is simply my perspective on life. This is what I see…a woman undertaking all her household tasks with no sign of her having any professional tasks while the man is sitting on the sofa. Notice how the sofa is the first image followed by her doing chores and he doesn’t appear in any of those other pictures. Either he is still sitting there or he’s off doing ‘man’ things (possibly in the shed – lol). I called it dreadful, and bad for all of us because in modern families men generally are active in the household and also tired and vulnerable. So this image, specifically in the context of the other images portrays the ‘strong, steady man’ with his feet on the ground and the woman who is ‘busy with chores and childcare’ which doesn’t allow for mutual and joint vulnerability or equal need for support. It portrays an imbalance. To address this, it would have been great if, following the sofa scene, there was one image of the woman doing a chore, another image of the man doing a chore and one image of them both engaged in childcare. And, without going down the rabbit hole, if that had been attended to, I could then ask the question about whether this image portraying a heterosexual couple needed more representation by also including same sex couples as part of an advertising campaign. I hope this response makes sense and look forward to hearing how it lands for you.