This week

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Abuse


Maria’s Midweek Mindfulness 


The Wednesday Whisper

Lifting the lid.

Recently, I notice people labelling other people more and more. I am often told that ‘such and such a person’ (usually someone they are in conflict with), is a Narcissist or a Sociopath or a Psychopath. I’m usually told that they have looked it up and it’s obvious that the person fits the label and therefore it must be true. And, if that happens to be a mediation case, then, surprise, surprise the ‘accused’ person says the same thing about the other.

Over time, when working with domestic abuse, I have come to recognise a set of traits, which, coupled with a set of actions make up something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

A person with NPD:

  • Has an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Requires constant, excessive admiration
  • Expects to be seen as superior without achievements that warrant it
  • Exaggerates their achievements and talents
  • Has fantasies about success, power, brilliance or beauty
  • Believes they are elite and can only associate with equally elite people
  • Takes over conversations and looks down on people they believe to be inferior
  • Expects unquestioning compliance
  • Takes advantage of others
  • Is unable to accept the needs and feelings of others
  • Believe people envy them

I know people who have some of those traits but they are not abusive to others.

It becomes abusive when they have trouble handling anything that contradicts their position.

Behaviour that creates abuse is:

  • Becoming impatient or angry when they don’t receive special treatment
  • Using threats or violence to get what they want
  • Forcing someone to obey ‘rules’ they create
  • Reacting with rage or contempt
  • Using put downs to make themselves appear superior
  • Being unable to regulate their own emotions and behaviour
  • Creating problems for those around them when dealing with stress and change
  • Having secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation which are projected onto others
  • Preventing their partner from seeking advice from, or enjoying time with friends and family

Many people have no idea that they are in an abusive relationship because the other side of this behaviour is ‘brainwashing’ their partner into believing that they have their best interests at heart, that no one else is on their partner’s side and that they know best how to support their partner. While researching this blog, I came across something called the Narcissist’s Prayer, if you think someone is suffering in silence, send them this. It might just provide the nudge they need to get help.

“That didn’t happen.

And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.

And if it was, that’s not a big deal.

And if it is, that’s not my fault.

And if it was, I didn’t mean it.

And if I did… You deserved it.”

Maria’s Midweek Mindfulness

I have supported many women who have suffered abuse at the hands of someone with NPD and I have been there myself. I’m thinking about how we can bring important information like this into the education system

The Wednesday Whisper

Have you ever suffered at the hands of an abusive partner or boss? How did you end it? Or are you still suffering?


Would you be willing to send this out to anyone you think might be interested in getting a little dose of mindfulness each week?