In my work as a couple’s mediator and counsellor, there are many recurring themes in relationship breakdown. Here are some of the main reasons couples find themselves in crisis.

1. Deceit

One or both of the couple hides something from the other. The most usual form of deceit is an affair


2. Dishonesty

One or both of the couple does something without consulting the other.


3. Lying

One or both of the couple knowingly tells an untruth to their partner when confronted or asked


4. Distraction

One or both of the couple fail to give attention to the other and the relationship


5. Aggression

One or both of the couple react aggressively to challenges in life and in the relationship


All of these are strategies which undermine a relationship and reduce trust. They usually emerge out of poor communication and a failure to make realistic agreements within the relationship. Once any of the above is taking place it is usually one person’s tragic way of seeking redress to an earlier problem that has not been addressed.


Repairing the relationship takes time for healing and trust building and is possible with skilled help.

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